Wind and Waves

I just found this post I had written but didn’t want to share.
Now that lots of time has gone by, I feel more secure in sharing it, plus I don’t have to worry about hurting Dan’s feelings.

So here I am, And where is that exactly??
Well Um, I hate to say but I don’t REALLY know……I mean, well, does anybody really know??
Feels like…..I don’t know, it feels bad! I’m stuck underneath grey dreariness. I’ve returned from my adventures in Asia into a cloudy/rainy stuffy climate with a culture of 9-5 grind and close offness. I’m in a relationship that at times is a bit smothering.
One of my true passions seems to be travel,meeting people and observing different ways of doing things. However this passion I’m chasing called TRAVEL takes lots of money! Something which I’m just about convinced I can’t make. What a horrible feeling! Dan is so sick of hearing the word, travel and I cringe every time it pops out of my mouth.
I’m easily discouraged and can feel that my self-esteem is at an all time low. Its all I can do to keep up with phone calls and emails in my life, as I walk around and pretend I have great meaning and value in my motions. I don’t always feel that way. The truth…..I’m not really working very hard at anything, except, my relationship. The relationship…..it seems, is a full-time job (maybe that is the problem) It’s hard on my ego to admit that the relationship is my focus because for Dan, its not that way! He is not only working on the relationship but also working on his teaching (which is easily a 60 hour work week and emotionally consuming job), recording Cd’s, singing, songwriting, practicing with his band, playing soccer and managing his residence.

What a low time it is for me, why am I having such a hard time getting involved?.<