Before my meeting with Paul, (my analyst,psychologist,shrink,life coach……whatever you would call him!) I sat down to write the swirls of my mind on a piece of paper, in an effort to understand what on earth I wanted to cover in our session together. I was hoping to gather, at least, an inkling of a starting point. My ramblings quickly turned into a list. A list of the desires I have. (and now I will clog my blog with it….get it out to the universe)
Here it is:
I want to go to an Ashram in India.
I really want to go to Bali.
I really want to travel around Mexico on my moto,
I really want to sail for six months or so,
I want to write a book,
I want to learn to dance,
I want to learn to quilt,
I want to join the zen center and meditate,
I want to do more back-country snowboarding,
I want to work towards a pilots license.
I want a car that doesn’t always break down and that I feel bad driving,
I want to sell and spend more time working on my photographs,
I want to join peace-corps,
I want to learn how to be a great teacher,
I want to figure out what I want to teach,
I want more friends,
I want to date someone
I want to read all the books on my bookshelf,
I want to make my website look good and feel inspired and ready to continue hard work on it every time I look at it
I want to do yoga and maintain dedication to bodywork
I want to figure out how I can make a living in the world that pulls from my passion.
I want to calm my mind
I want to get to the root of “it”
I want to sing
I want to go to a conference about letting your writing voice out
I want to find an alternative grad program that can get me connected to people who are connected and see the overall picture in a way I do and who can help direct me to a job,or project that helps people,utilizes my unique perspective, fulfills me, and creates building blocks to projects much bigger in scope for the future.
I want to move out
I want to go climbing in Potrero Chico over spring break.
I want to write letters and catch up on emails to people who have written heart felt letters weeks AGO!
There it is. This list took me about 2 minutes to write. It just spilled out.
What is with this desire? Desire. “I want, I want, I want”………met with the voice in my mind “I can’t”.
I end up feeling like I’m in a dead end. (not to mention that this is just TODAY’s desire’s list, tomorrows could be a whole different list)
My mind is busy pulling my list apart using my Western psychology ideas, none of which shed a very positive light on me!
Paul says, “Girl, Your lucky. You have passion. Many people don’t have passion anything like this!”
“Really?” This is hard for me to believe………
but I chose to and
I’m content. For now. With my desire.
Maybe, I can somehow, even make it all happen!