Wind And Waves

This morning and started crying.  Now there is a sign that it is that time of month!

AND….I was writing emails!  Now who says I can’t focus??  Reminds me of being in 2nd grade, playing soccer at recess and apparently the whistle blew, meaning it was time to go inside, recess was over.  Our game continued for another 10 minutes ish (who knows really, time is not in this mindset)  until someone on our team noticed that the playground was empty and we all went racing in, terrified we’d be in trouble. (this had already happened a couple times) Sure enough…..I got detention (a HUGE deal for the little people pleasin ,teacher pet, shy child that I was).  And my teacher, Mrs. Miller (whom I loved…in fact she was my favorite teacher)  flat out thought I was lying about not hearing the whistle blow.

But what remains fascinating to me when I reflect on this, was my level of focus.  I  was SOOO into our soccer game that, that was all I saw,all I heard, all I thought about, all I cared about! My fear of getting yelled at, even took backstage in light of how focused on the soccer game I was.

I was SOOO into soccer. can you tell? (I’m the one holding the gator…so involved! Then I became socially aware and uncomfortable and my focus and ability scattered (somewhat)

AHhhh how I long for THAT focus again!!  What can I do (besides total adrenaline sports) to obtain THAT focus?   I was an awesome player and most importantly, I loved it!

side note {I was one of the only girls playing with the boys, why…even so early in our developmental years, are there so few girls playing???}

Well, I was writing an email this morning when I forgot about my blueberry oatmeal pancakes on the stove, so maybe…….Emails?….Are something that I tend to put my whole self into, thus I obtain a more intense focus?

My underlying thought/hope, here is:  If I could find that thing that I’m able to focus wholly and completely on, than I could spend more time doing that thing, crafting  that thing  and I would feel more full-filled in my life and my even have a skill set to:

A. offer to the world

B. help support me financially.

Hmmmmmmm.

It seems like intense (hyper focus….as the adhd advocates call it) comes with a stinging slap.

For now, I’m going to keep crying about my burned breakfast and figure out what else to eat!