Wind And Waves

I have a real artist eye.  I see the world in symmetry and color.  The details are a blur.  Color is my happy place.  I LOVE color.  LOVE LOVE LOVE color!  One of the most joyful parts about working at the restaurant is seeing what everyone is wearing.  How they have put it together, how those colors match their insides…I’m constantly complimenting people.  If I could make a catalogue with all the article of clothing that I have complimented, I would be in HEAVEN!  Some people’s shirts or shoes or skirts I love so much, I make a mental note to take a road trip to the store where they got it. And I am serious.

As for me.  I am constantly discouraged about the way I look.  Trying, trying to get my skin to look better.  Willling it to smooth out.  wishing my teeth white (because I can’t afford the $400 to do it)  Selfie after selfie. discouraged.  So much I would shift on my face if I could.  Why!!  I know this is a waste of time but…..but………but really, I do know deep inside, that this is bratty.  Take what you’ve got and appreciate it!  We are lucky in this life to have a face a body that moves swiftly.  Appreciate it! Don’t be a brat.  I see so many people having so much fun with the bodies they have come into this life with. (I think about this as I admire how a silver shimmery dragon fly necklace is perfectly placed on the chest of the hotel connoisseur who has smooth beautiful tan skin.)  she is using what she’s got.

Sometimes in my darker moments I ask god, why would you give (someone with my looks) Such a keen eye for colors, symmetry and very particular esthetics……….that is a touch of torture.  How can I ever be happy with what I’ve got?