So, here I sit because I got the nerve to ask the boss if I could leave early because I felt terrible. Really I did, despite my spirited blog entry (keep reading!). But strangely, just leaving- made me feel a lot better. curious. It is an unbelievable challenge for me, to ask to leave early! All sorts of fears race vividly through my (very busy) mind. What if they realize they don’t need me anyway, what if they start seeing that I’m the weak link, what if they view me as a sickly wimp.…on and on! Sometimes being in my head is painful.
I was that kid at school who rarely took days off…….mostly because I was too scared to (I’ll miss the assignments, I’ll get behind, I won’t hear the lesson, I won’t be able to turn in my report……blah blah blah.) There was always a very good reason for me NOT to call in sick. My mother, so wise and lovingly encouraged, me to take a sick day when I felt sick. ” I can’t” I remember protesting. In my little kid mind, the world revolved around that school day (and me) and things just may stop dead if I didn’t show up! 🙂
Luckily, my mom helped give me perspective. Its not THAT important! Really! Just relax. In a lot of cases, I think its the opposite lesson that mothers give there kids “No, you can’t stay home from school, your fine” I always admired kids who were willing to stay home from school, no guilt attached.
Now that I’m a grown-up (or at least trying! (doesn’t mean that husband or kids are anywhere even remotely close to the horizon :-)) I don’t have my mom helping me, out so I have to call my own shots with no soothing confirmations. So hard! So, taking the night off tonight, was a bit of a victory, and of course, I’m trying to gently push any guilt, off to the side! I remember one time in Ithaca, New York where I was finishing college, I didn’t ask for the night off……and I should of! I was a waitress and I was totally snotting and coughing and sneezing……poor customers. ANd I thought I was doing good. Oops. You live and your learn, right?
It amazes me how loyal I am to “cubicle world” land of blahhhhhh. Especially when I value “my own time”, so much. But then again, it is my livliehood and I am scared @#$*less, to not show any signs of weakness because of what may happen. I’m feel very dependent on my job and so, I’m appreciative-I guess. (I sure sound like it, don’t I :-))
My package from Cirque Du Solei arrived in the mail today. YIPPEEE!! It was waiting for me at the door when I got home early from work (the gods rewarded me for my bravery) And arriving in my package was………a blue shirt made for working out (yoga/dance) that is elegant,sporty,different and designed for acrobatic movement. Hell yeah! I wish I could show you all a picture because words just don’t describe the amazingness of this shirt. Right now (NOW being the key point) I want to be a clothes designer and design line similar to this shirt. Its just incredible and I’ve never seen anything like it! Leave it to Cirque Du Solei . Which, by the way, I’ve been doing quite a bit of research on and realize that Guy Laliberte, owner,creater of Cirque Du Solei is an amazing, person who inspires you to dream big and go for it! Which, if you have ever been to Cirque Du Solei, is abundatly clear within the first five minutes. It blew my mind! I seriously, didn’t know that humans had that much athletic ability and could move their bodies in that way. How inspiring!! He seems to be very daring and creative and sure that the unachievable, is, in fact achievable. You should read about him, maybe he will inspire you too!
Avatar Reflections!!! So much to say and ……….no motivation to say it. Why is that??? Anja and Bryan…thank you guys so much for encouraging me.
I met people from all over the world and had “deep” conversations. I met people who do the most random jobs (air traffic controler, motorcycle racer, hostage negotiation business, photography business, pilates studio owner.Temp agency worker/owners, authors, concert pianist, former monk in Italy, starting their own business’s………wow) For sure, some interesting conversations ensued (career, seems to be one of my favorite topics these days: “Do you love what you do? How did you get into it?”)
And some of my closest friends from the week, I have NO idea what they do for a living, we never got around to that!
I stayed with Bryan and his wife and family for the 9 days I was there. Bryan is one of my very best buds from college. One of those friends you meet and you just know that your going to be friends for life. We shared a passion for Nature, traveling and adventure. A tight bond for sure!
The connection I felt with Bryan’s family was incredible. Though I was very busy with my class and wouldn’t get home till late, sometimes missing them all together, I really valued the nights we sat around and chatted (with the Olympics in the background, how special!). Although, upon reflection, I fear that I TOTALLY dominated those conversation. Yikes 🙂 I must say, the Kirby’s are some of the most interested/interesting, generous, supportive listeners I know. And I was VERY appreciative to be taken in by them so warmheartedly.
Changing the subject completely;
I ride my bike to work everyday and LOVE it!! I’m healthy and in shape have lost weight, get plenty of time to reflect, am improving my moto skills (can’t wait for summer!) and……the list goes on! But, here is a woman who wrote an e-book about her experience, shifting into a no car lifestyle. Well written and totally inspiring: Here is an interview with her on one of my favorite Blogs these days:http://www.farbeyondthestars.com/
So…….I still haven’t written about my Avatar class. Hmmm. maybe in my next post. I think I’m still processing it all…….