Wind And Waves

Made by my very own………brother :-).  Nice work Jeremy! I can’t wait to come down to Medallin and play some poker on it.

But she will forever remain with soo many of us!!

I began my dance practice 2 years ago.  It has been an incredible way for me to tune into my inner landscapes and it has been scary as hell!  it has been colorful and euphoric and sometimes crippling in the way it puts me in touch with my deepest insecurities.  During some dance sessions I soar and skip and hop and in other dance sessions, I  hold my heart, as I sway and let the tears flow.  This is the way of this dance.
It is called the 5rhythms. It is body of work that Gabrielle Roth imparted to the world. Check it out!

This last Sunday was, International Woman’s Day. And how appropriate for me because  I was exploring Yin energy on this day, which often manifests in feminine qualities!  Randomly, during my dance practice, I had some revelations about femininity in my ancestral line.

So in my dance I was thinking about moving forward with my pelvic bowl, my 1st chakra.  I was thinking about relaxing and being.  And I was thinking about how feminine this quality is.

And……… I was thinking about how I did not see this quality in my Grandmother, hardly ever.  She was Always doing!  Doing, doing, doing. And now her daughter is always doing, doing, doing.  I find her energy  stressful to be around.  My Dad is always doing doing doing!

and How I; am only sort of doing doing doing….. (although some friends would say otherwise) And I am busy feeling guilty for not always doing doing doing!

The doing doing doing is survival.  It is the way of the agrarian ancestors and then the ancestors who chugged through the Industrial revolution, But what about now?  The technology age?  Things are happening fast and I think the role of women and how we radiate or feminine essence is confused! I suspect my Grandmother would have loved the opportunity to BE Beautiful.  Dance. Be pampered. Take hot baths. Be the beautiful Dancer.  Sarah the gorgeous Dancer.  I can just see it.  I think this would have put more acceptance into our family line, more happiness, more yin energy more femininity.  But Grandma was always working. Working because she had four kids, working because they didn’t have a lot of money, working because her husband was always making business deals that fell through and sent them reeling, working because she felt better about herself when she was busy and in charge and in control.  This is my suspicion.

That very delicate wispy, wimsy, strong, inspirator, beautiful Yin energy that reside in all of us, needs to be protected.  Needs protections. Needs to be housed. Need kindness. Needs room in the darkness to be a light.  And it needs to trust the Yang energy so it can feel safe to truly be itself.

JUST BE IN THE MOMENT

This saying has been something that has come up continually, probably since about high school.  My personal interpretation to this cliched, phrase, seems to change by the week.

The feeling of peeling the onion of life over and over again, peeling at the same part of the onion but working on a different layer of it……… is an aspect of life, I really enjoy. It beckons me out of my self made cage, into bigger broader landscapes, where there are different canyons, different flowers, different rivers, where I experience different feelings and different  connections/relationships  and ways of relating.

Thank you life!

I went to see Julie Davis, a shamanic Practitioner.(absolutely love visiting her!!)   When I get the opportunity to see her, I am filled with an exquisite feeling.  She sees me and she deeply respects me and she is rooting for me. I mean, she truly sees who I am, in a souls essence kind of way.  Its like a mothers unconditional love but Julie is not my mother and that is what makes it so amazing feeling.  If a random woman out in the world, sees me in this way, than there must be some truth to it and she must be tapping into some inner essence of mine and that inner essence and light must be shining out because she can see and feel it!

Julie is enthusiastic about my ‘spriritual moto tours for women’ project.  Yay!  She sees it clearly. Yay! But I gotta get stuff straight with me.  I have a lot of projects I’m putting time and energy into.

I mentioned to her that I also really want to spend time writing, getting my authentic voice out there, playing with it, seeing what it looks like and feels like. (crazy to think that at 35 years old, I only half know!)  Julie, excitedly suggest I write about my decision process of having the tours be composed of men and women or just women, write about the joy of moto trips that I want to share with people, and what i think I have to offer, and then packing the bike, sacredly, cooking food sacredly, ones relationship with the road, ones relationship with your bike, your relationship with yourself.

But! I protest!  “I don’t know how to make food sacredly?! Let alone talk and teach it.  ”

“Do it mindfully”  she nudges.  “It’s just about being Mindful”

“What is being mindful??”

“And so, write about that”  Julie gently suggests! And so, here I go,  in light of  emboldening my process….I am going to write some quick thoughts on mindfulness..

Ironically, a lot of things my life right now are pointing towards that.

In facilitator Training (deep listening) we are learning about mindfulness.  It is important that we, as someone who is facilitating, are an “empty bowl” a “meadow”.  We must be aware of our thoughts that arise, our masks we wear for the world, or baggage we carry with us, so that we can put all that aside and listen, Truly listen, deeply listen to what another soul is saying.

An aspect of this that I’m realizing is  equally important is “letting Go”.  As I reflect on my life, there have been Hundreds, thousands of exercises in “Letting go”

Here are a few examples;

letting go of my tears, welling up in my eyes. Letting go of my moto that allows me to explore, be happy and be somebody. and is proof that I am enough, that, I have done well (because I spent hours fixing it and it was real nice!)  Letting go of my identities;  a soccer player,a hearty Outward Bound instructor living in Moab, an athlete, a straight A student, the quiet one, the free spirit, the biker girl with no car. Letting go of boyfriends, whom I genuinely, deeply love. Letting go of your poop. Letting go of a beautiful big bubble you are blowing on your bubble wand. Letting go of your apartment, your city, your country, your clothes. Letting go of the picture on your iphone (swiping it away to view something else) Even Leaving your house everyday is a letting go!

and seriously, I could go on and on and on.

Scott and I were sitting in Boulder the other day, in the sunlight.  Wow it felt good!  A woman with a Big Dog sat next to us and we watched curiously, as passer bys, responded to this unbelievably big loving, bear of a dog. One man took a long, relaxed time to look at the dog. He took a few steps, continuing his walk and looked at us.  Each of us, in the eye for an uncomfortably long time.  He was really listening, observing, taking in who we were.  How uncomfortable! But he had no judgement.  He seemed to be beyond judgement.  There was no time, in the precious minutes of his life that were left, to judge.  He said ” it is all about letting go”  As I get very close the other side, I understand that is is all about letting go.” He had a headband wrapped around his head and we assumed he was in the middle of chemotherapy.  He bowed and walked away.  Leaving us stunned.  Leaving us…..needing to let of that profound moment of synchronistic insight, so we we could move into the next moment.

I find it curious/interesting/funny/amazing…how characters come into your life telling you just the thing you need to hear or need to see to understand or need to feel, so you can integrate.

In Facilitator Training yesterday, we were talking about being mindful. A fellow classmate shares with us, an excercise she does which is to be aware of her sheets when she crawls into bed in the night. The feeling the smell the sensations….

And then Carole steps in to add, “and let that feeling go”

What? This is where I get a little confused.  I write a little note to Noah, “How do you Let go of the feeling of your sheets?”  He quietly whispers, “By accepting them.”

hmmmm. wow. and this sets me on another set of revelations.  It is ALL about Acceptance.  Energy that is devoted to self -criticism doubt, condemnation, and rejection  keeps me locked in a state of negative self – centeredness.  But paradoxically, the more I Accept my imperfect self the easier it is to rise about my supposed defects and align with my soul.  It seems that, rejection aggravates situations, while acceptance proves to be a calming balm.  I have been noticing (after 35 years of “trying” sooo fricken hard!) that I tend to believe I never do my best; I always feel I could” and “should” do better!

Grrrrrr.

It would feel great to Accept my human limitations as neither moral failures nor indictments of me personally.  Mistakes, limitations, falling short of doing enough -these are all natural facets of living as a “human being in progress.” Right?  Ahhhhh. sigh of relief.  I can just feel how that releases the ever present pressure I create for myself as I navigate this thing we call life!

And so, I think some important lessons for me are about letting go.

Accepting………..

so I can be present.  Present to my life, present to myself, present to my dreams, present to my relationships present to people I am facilitating.

to be MIND – FULL…….. I need to LET – GO.

wait, huh?! what??! 🙂

I do love the mountains :-). Here I am looking out at the Sangre De Cristos as the sun kisses the top, as it slips below the horizon. Stunning!

BEST PRACTICES FOR INCORPORATION
 
Created in SOLB month long June 2014 ….With our guides and participants

 
Wilderness Rites of Passage – 24 hour renewal fasts
Extended time in Nature – Wilderness – “back country”
Nature awareness – present moment perception using 5 senses
Simply Wander – awaken curiosity
Daily silence, meditation, sit spot
Movement practice/yoga
 Dance like no one is watching
Walking and running: do it when you least want
 
Evoke a circle of support – build your network
Council practice with self, nature, friends, family , and of course your  “enemies” etc.
Recognize greatest teachers in those who trigger you
 Living council – listening to the community of all beings
Trusting and being awake to  the Ceremony of life…… “I am guided”
Make an offering before taking, cutting, killing of any kind
 Maintaining and cultivating relationship with the Four Directions 
– connection with the elements
Presence: being with something, someone , a place
 
Dreamwork
Morning pages – flow of consciousness writing
Art, color experiment – be with emergence
 
Gratitude!
Wake with gratitude, list all you are grateful for at the end of the day
 drink a glass of water with gratitude, say thank you
Take a moment for blessing/grace before a meal, a journey, a decision
“4 breath” practice before responding/reacting
Share concerns at times of border crossings
Mark beginnings and endings
Debrief any happening
 
Witness the energy of emotions – ebb and flow
Ask for what you need: Offer what you can
Suspend judgment, opinion, advice
Establish a field for sharing cringe factors with partners
Declare a banter free zone – allow space for teasing and the play of words/truth/feelings
 
Clear clutter – care for space
Create an altar – Physical reminders from Quest and nature
Grow food for yourself and others
Practice a spirit of inquiry – find the gift and/or opportunity
 
Connect with another without doing / no agenda, no multi-tasking
Become a role model (on the road)
Listen to inspirational and supportive talks
                                                                                       
Remember
Your mantras, your intention , your purpose circle
Confirm a way you make decisions that you trust no matter how things turn out
  “It will change, and this too will pass”
Bear witness to all around us
 

Fresh back from my trip, honestly, I was kinda bummed to be home.  But still, I had in me hikes and sunrises and sunsets and wide nature vistas.  And so it was very easy for me one morning to pull myself out from underneath my heavy down comforter and put my heavy jacket and boots on, strap up my non clog shoes and quietly slip outside.  The night was just beginning to break, I could see in my rear-view mirror and I sped on I-70 up to the mountains where I was going to hike up North Table Mesa.  I was in for a visual treat!